tianqimu 的个人博客

Yo

Three hours ago, I went out from Prof. Cai's office. My financial paper was approved. I feel happy and guilty: I finally made it, but I could have done better.

Yesterday I saw the movie about the three great women of Song Family. What moved me the most was the scene where Charlie Song was about to die. He forgave Meiling. The music was really good and fit. I cried twice through the whole movie. It's been a long time that a movie can hardly touch me. If only I could play the fantastic music myself! What a pity.

I have a big exam in about eight hours. It's our nursing graduation exam. I didn't prepare at all because of my double degree thesis. But I'm not nervous. Anyway it's a nursing exam. I don't care that much now.

I miss Wuxi so hard. I miss my puppy, my room, my secret garden, my little blue bike, my dear friends and my parents. I miss so many things, so many people. 

I lately figured out that there is someone I miss in the US, and I really look forward to seeing him again. It's a dream that almost comes true. Pray on my visa trip. I would like to know which country I like the most, Singapore, America, or China? Let's see.

I guess it's the last night I'll be spending in this hospital. Well, university life is over soon. I'm not sad, at least right now. Instead, I'm grateful. I would like to say thanks to everybody who have been bad and mean to me. My mind is so strong because of all the failure and mocks. Eventually, I know what I should do.

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Where to go? This is a problem. Three years ago, I came to college with full dreams. Yet now, I'm not sure where my future is. Too many choices is definitely not good for me.

Business vs Medicine.

Through those finance courses, I gradually understood that I'm not typically a "finance-woman". Through those nursing courses, I gradually found that being a nurse doesn't fit me. I am too young, too immature to start my own career. I don't like regulation. That's why I want a store of my own. Perhaps a restaurant?  Or maybe a nursing house. Both great ideas. Let's see.

Mum and Dad, actually I love you so much.I know sometimes I suck at expressing. Sometimes I behave totally like a kid. But what I really want is that we can stay together as a family union. I wish you could have good health so that one day I can prove something to you. Through all these things, I just wanna take good care of you and live with you. Thank you for these, 20 years.

I met this boy that perhaps I really like. Perhaps I could really get rid of my past. I'm not sure if or not I'll have problems again, but I'm sure I'll treasure all the time together.

I don't know where to go. Yet I know things are getting better.
And I know it'll be a happy ending.

 

I find that I cannot add music to my new articles, I don't know why, so I just put the music on as background.

I finished my toefl today, finally. I won't call it a nightmare, but actually it is, almost. I didn't do a good job. And now what I can think of is just the writing sentence"of equal importance is the fact that...". Oh, my! I truly hope the mark would not become a disaster. Let's see.

I cleaned my desktop ans bookshell after a talk with someone. About that, I don't want to remember either. There are so many books and handouts referring to T-- which accompanied me for 4 months. Time flies. I didn't even realize it's coming to the end of semester again.

I have always loved this song: A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop, so I bid my goodbye and never knew. I don't know why, everytime I hear this I feel so sad.

I can't force a relationship. Neither can you.

Everything's coming to an end. I've made every mistake I can on this road, but thankfully, there are still some friends around me. Perhaps now is not a good time to start over, but who knows. Maybe I can give myself a push and things can work out. Fine, I admit, I still can't see it going anywhere.

I am not confused and distressed now. All that I want to do is finish all these things, return home, and have a head start.

I'm so tired.  

I went to my cristal pyramid today and i found my secrets i buried there half a year ago. They are there.
God, what am i looking for?

I went out and had dinner with Princetonkid--I don't know how to name him--and i found it happy talking and sharing with him. And i really appreciate his help with my passport to hk. I hope he can overcome the flu. Yes, of course he can because he is a friend with magic.

"Given the information you shared with us, assuming your GPA remains 3.5+, your application would be competitive for the schools you mention if you retake your GRE and raise the 450 score.  Otherwise, except for the University of Vermont, the schools you listed are reaches or high reaches."
Everytime i saw the assessment the director made for me I felt lost. What should i do? Retake the GRE? I know this is nearly impossible for me. I regret my dawdling last summer vacation so much. How can i fix this? 

But, I am me. If i cannot make it, i'll just look for certain job in hometown and maybe get married? Who knows.
How to do the paper thing?...
I'll be at the same spot as last year, I know i can face all these things. Yeah, the US is just one dream, maybe it is important, but it's not crucial. I have other dreams to realize. Dude, there's a line!

I am alive! So i am able to try no matter what the result will be. I amd Chelsea. 

This blog was started to hold my sadness, and it seems all that it holds is sadness.
I like you, but it's none of your business. Because I know it's a mistake and i will hurt many friends if i keep going wrong. I am going to stop my feeling. Of course you won't understand. I've learned to respect relationship itself from my last failure one and i believe i've grown up. 

I'm not sure whether or not i'm sincere to wish you two happiness, I'm not sure whether or not i should lend you a hand to get together with her, even I'm not sure whether or not my feeling really exists. But it doesn't matter cause everything will get an end. I'm putting the end right now. 

Gradually i get the point that your feeling for her is real love.Once i had the familiar feeling. So nice, so pure. But life will move on. Everyone must and have to move on. Life is ironic: my ex began to study hard, my dad began to exercise regularly, a joke turned to be such a complicated story. What about me?  I don't know, maybe more so-called muture, who knows.

I'll be okay,maybe just a couple of days.
Now i want to wish you happiness of lifetime,to be best with her. We are friends and i love you all from inside of my heart. 
   

18 days, I know it's impossible to make it. Maybe having my mum's here is just an excuse I want myself to have so that I wouldn't be so sad and regret after that day.

Some things don't change.My inertia, my feelings, my dream. Why am i so obtuse? Why don't i just take it easy and go after my dream? I don't get it and i hate to see the one i am now. What's the big deal? Falling in love? Being afraid of tomorrow? Or just foreseeing the failure around the corner?

What am i gonna do? What do i want on earth? 

Teachers and classmates always say that i am a girl with explicit objective and outstanding passion. Well, yeah, kind of, in the past. In fact, i think i am the one always stuck in confusion. Maybe my future is screwed up. And i am the one who made it happen.

My life's changed. I don't like to change. I want it the way it was so hard but i figured out it's unlikely and will make me look stupid and naive. I miss a lot of guys. I miss my dog. I want simple life. I've been having nightmares for a long time. Everytime i dreamed about the death of those i love, I feel so much pain. Trauma? I don't know whether i can use this word here. I don't want to face separation.  
 
I quit.